The nature of change

One of my loyal readers (who first encouraged me to write this post) asked me why I had been so quiet lately. It's not because I don't have anything to say - that would never happen! It's just that I've been thinking about courage and cowardice, and I need to do research, every writer's scourge. So today I thought I'd take a look at something that has been on my mind a lot lately. 

Next year signifies 30 years since I finished school. This is a momentous milestone, and I'm involved in arranging the reunion. Re-connecting with classmates whom I haven't seen in nigh-on 30 years has been a very interesting experience. One of my classmates posted an interesting thought - why do we attend reunions? Is it to see how much worse off our classmates are than us? 

To be honest, that thought never occurred to me. I attend reunions every year, and it is always sad when no-one else from my class attends. I would love to see the people I went to school with, and to experience the stories of their journeys. Many of my classmates did not have a happy time at school. We all had awkwardness, geekiness, insecurity, and to top it off, we were at school during the 1980s, a decade which, frankly, was not kind to clothes and hairstyles. We laugh at those pictures now, but facing people who shared one's formative years is always difficult. 

As anxiety girl, I am terrified of being judged and found wanting. To make matters worse, I have been elected as Chairlady of the Old Girls Committee, which requires me to stand in front of a crowd of people and make a speech. The very idea of it makes me feel nauseous. To do it in front of people I went to school with somehow makes it worse. 

I'm all about facing my fears, which is why I accepted the nomination as Chairlady. I will proudly stand up in front of those people, most of whom have no idea of what I suffer, and do my best. I will hopefully make them laugh, too. 

I consider it such a blessing that I will be able to see women who have grown into themselves, who have attained success, happiness, motherhood, and who will hopefully understand that the bond that binds us together means more than any petty schadenfreude because this girl is a bit fatter, or that one is divorced. I am thrilled to be able to meet people who were in my life 30 years ago, and show them that I am not afraid. 

To the class of 1985, I can't wait to meet the amazing women I know you have all become. And to Raquel, Mary-Ann and Callie, you are remembered, your memory will be honoured, and you will all be very much with us in spirit.